Have you ever wanted to ESCAPE??
I haven’t had that feeling OFTEN in my life. Yes, when I got/get in trouble… I want to run and hide in my room. I know during my senior year of high school I had messed up a few times – just being a dumb teenage girl. I was trying to hard to be cool, not bold enough to be different, upset over a boy, and more – all led to VARIOUS problems and craziness in my life. Well… to add on all of that (I know that’s not specific, but do you thing I’d tell ALL my junk one the world wide web? NO!)… I got a speeding ticket coming home from Spring Break. I desperately wanted to escape. To morph into a different person until all my problems were gone and the trouble was over… I wanted to ESCAPE. Obviously, I couldn’t… but, I survived….
Well… this semester there was nothing I wanted more than to ESCAPE. So many times I would have rather been
or even HERE
Isn’t this bed HILARIOUS!!! But seriously… a lot of days I would have rather been in bed!
or even HERE
Not WITH her! AH!! But… many times I have felt like her!!! And I just wanted to crawl in a closet and hide!!!
I have wanted to ESCAPE like never before. I have wanted to escape work. lies. people’s apathy. unjustice. the church’s traditions. responsibilities. relationships. conversations. confrontations. worries. bitterness. uncertainty. facing myself. blogging.
I have just wanted to ESCAPE!!! And I couldn’t. Unfortunately, there’s no pause button on life. So I have felt beyond frazzled most times. I haven’t been depressed at all… just wanting and longing for something else. The best way to put it is… FRAZZLED and OVERWHELMED!!!!! My poor husband has had to deal with me… he’s a good man. My Truth Speaker.
A Matthew West song has rang SO TRUE in my life this semester. It’s called “Stop the World.”
I’m tired and empty
This life is relentless
It weakens my knees
And breaks my defenses
It’s wearing me down and I’m desperate to hear from You…
Stop the world I wanna get out
I need an escape away from this crowd
Just to hear You speak to me
Stop the world I’m ready to listen
Show me sign, give me a vision of heaven
I can hold on to
Stop the world I need some time with You
This has SO been the cry of my messy heart. I have just wanted to stop the world. To pause. To spend time with my Abba Daddy. To be held. To listen. TO HEAR HIM – it has felt pretty quiet lately. I have just been tired, messy, CRAZY. I have been captured in a lot of STUFF. I am having to search HARD for TRUTH. separate the lies. fight for joy. battle to love people. it’s not fun.
We often bring the chaos on ourselves. I haven’t caused all of my imprisonment… but I did cause a lot. I WANT TO ESCAPE!! I would like escape physically and go to a nice beach with no worries EVER, but that’s not going to happen.
So, today I chose to fight. I chose to run to the problem(s), confront them, and DO RIGHT. I don’t like confrontation. I don’t like admitting wrong and exposing wrongs of others. I like everyone to be happy… but I have to be real – this world is fallen and sinful and needs some love and light. I have to be that on the campus of Troy University. I, ANNA, have to speak TRUTH when no one else is. I have to be JOY when no one else is. I have to FIGHT for what is right when I am the only one. I have to listen and look in the mundane for what I am to be, and do, and live, and say, and follow. I can’t trust, whole-heartedly, people – only HIS truth. It’s really hard to distinguish that when you are bombarded by false all day, every day.
Today, I chose to fight. I didn’t solve the world’s problems or even all of mine… but it is the beginning of a TRUTH battle. That’s what I’m calling it. My God is VICTORIOUS in everything and I know He is fighting for me now. I can’t use selfish motivations, others’ wrongs, or my opinions to battle.. only His truth and His warrior guidance. I will follow.
I don’t know if my post made sense. I don’t care. I needed/wanted to write it. That’s why I haven’t been blogging… I have just wanted to ESCAPE. I am back. I have armored up with TRUTH and BOLDNESS and LOVE and JUSTICE and I am back… ready to JUMP IN. to LIVE. to EMBRACE. to FIGHT. to SEEK!