The other day I was looking through my old journals for something. I don’t usually do that, but I was searching for something in particular- I found it and more.
On my search I couldn’t help but start reading my entries. Now… journaling for me is just praying. I have to write my prayers or there is no telling where my brain would end up. I know if I write I will at least finish a sentence, AND it is awesome (as I will tell you) to go back and SEE God’s faithfulness. He is so faithful. I would recommend journaling to EVERYONE! 🙂
So, I started reading. I taught myself… which is funny to me.
I have been fretting about praying and figuring out how to do it and what it’s suppose to look like… and I learned and REMEMBERED that I already know how. I just write… everything… and then offer it to Him… and wait for His answers. My times spent journaling have been some of the richest.. because it was time unhurried, unstructured, and just me and God. I needed to be reminded of that. To be reminded there is no formula, special words to use, or magic involved… it just heart cries… and mine just happen to be written in old scraggly books.
I read about many things… all screaming out the faithfulness of God:
working at Pine Cove Christian Camps in Tyler, TX (TIMBERS!) – freaking out about being a camp counselor, rejoicing when campers got it, praying hardcore for each girl in my cabin, etc.
precious entries of praying for my besties in Tennessee… loving time living with and surrounded by them.
working at a Deaf camp in Illinois and not having a clue what I was doing! – I was so overwhelmed, exhausted, and wiped out. He restored me…
planning for our trip to Africa in 2009 – FREAKING OUT about money! writing over and over again about how I was amazed that the money was coming in… more than enough. And then writing like 50 pages about our actual trip!
preparing and praying for marriage – trying to figure out how to be a wife… wigging out because 2 months before we got married neither one of us had a salary, no place to live, etc. Then… getting a call and offered a job (no interview… they didn’t even know me). Jacob becoming interim youth pastor Jan 1 after we got married.
We are called to remember. We are reminded to treasure… and then WORSHIP. I know David did:
I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
6 I spread out my hands to you;
I thirst for you like a parched land.
7 Answer me quickly, Lord;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
8 Let the morning bring me word
of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life.
9 Rescue me from my enemies, Lord,
for I hide myself in you.
10 Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.
Just over and over and over reminded of His faithfulness. The treasures in remembering!!!
I noticed things in my writings and prayers that I have lost touch with (youch…), but 2 things really struck me that I kept using in my prayers. They really taught me a lot.
Over and over again I would write, “Lord, I desperately need you!”
It didn’t matter the situation… I just KNEW I needed Him. Gosh, how my heart forgets that when it gets busy and self-sufficient. I do desperately need Him. I want my heart to remember that each day. I know God answers and listens and response in my desperation and humility. I too often get proud and self reliant. And that just leads to problems.
I also noticed something kind of interesting. I’m not sure exactly where it came from… but I like it. I wrote many thank yous to God for “kissing me.” You know… like a Daddy kisses His daughter on the head? A little quirky I know… but a cool picture. I would thank Him for kissing me with a beautiful sunrise… for a sunny day… for the little presents He would leave me throughout my days. He kisses me often still… but I don’t take time to thank Him for the little delights… the things that mean so much.
It’s good to remember… to treasure… the cherish…. to relearn.
It refreshed me. It gave me a renewed/old perspective that is full of freedom and expectation. An attitude of praise and love for my Daddy. A heart that I know I can write out on paper and offer up to Him each morning… that’s sweet.
What a GREAT weekend of refreshing… building… and change.
Can’t wait to share more…