Superwoman…

So… this picture is not me. SURPRISE! 

I am not Superwoman.

I know this. Everyone around me surely knows it. But it’s not fun being reminded of it. 

I want to have everything together. I want to always be a good wife. teacher. friend. daughter. church member. employee. mentor. future mom. dog caretaker. But… I’m not always good. I can’t do everything. And… when I think I am convinced that I can be superwomen… I am reminded that NOTHING in me is good apart from Christ.  That stings a bit.  I wish I could have just learned this the first go around… but of course… I have to make it a bit more difficult.  I do not have everything together. I am a mess at times… and that’s okay. 

Many times when I feel inadequate compared to this imaginary superwoman… I automatically want to guard myself more… to protect myself… to hide my insecurities… to pretend… to conceal… to shield.  I don’t like exposure of me… my junk… my struggles… my crap.  I teach it all the time… you have to get your ‘crap on the floor’ for God to work in it. Well… I don’t like it when it’s my crap.  I just want to tuck it all in the dark spots of my heart and pretend it’s not there and it don’t stink.  But I’m learning…

I’m learning to be a raw woman of God. What does that mean? Well, I’m not sure exactly.  I want to be shielded to a certain extent. I want to be covered in TRUTH so that I am not easily swayed by LIES. BUT… I want to live in freedom. I don’t want to live with walls up… not letting people in.  I am very good and listening and getting involved in others’ lives… but it’s hard for me to let them into mine… like really let them in.  I don’t believe (and never will) that I need to air all my dirty laundry to everyone… I  think that invites too much of the enemy’s work, but… building thick walls to hide my junk is not the answer. To be a raw woman of God is to be okay letting people in… with exposing my insecurities to them… and to be a little crazy sometimes.  To talk to people, especially my husband, about the deep parts of my heart. Wifeys, if you are not honest and transparent with your husband… I mean raw to the core with him… your marriage will forever be stuck at good and mediocre.  BUT when you have rawness and complete openness… you marriage can become extraordinary, FREEING, and can really reflect our relationship with Christ. 

Please note… I have not done something horrible or whatever… I am just talking about things that I try to fix myself… struggles that need to be placed in the light. I just didn’t want you to think I had this huge secret thing I was about to announce to the world! haha. Just me… fighting me.

So… in conclusion…
I am NOT Superwoman… but I serve the awesome God of the Universe. He knows my heart-the deep, dark parts… my worries… my fears… my future… my desires… my thoughts… my past… and everything in between.  HE IS ABLE. GOOD. LOVE. GRACE. RESTORER.  

I’m thankful. 

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