That red line covers a lot of distance… 865 miles to be more exact. Parenting from this distance is tough… and interesting.
It brings me joy. It breaks my heart.
We listen to Eric every night – the good and bad. We try to be a mom and dad to him. We ARE his mom and dad… but BEING his mom and dad are tough across an ocean.
I want to make his bad days better. I want to look him in the eyes and tell him how much we truly love him. I want to cheer him up… even if it’s just with a bowl of ice cream and a good movie.
Each night he tells us about what’s going on in life… and we can’t do much about it but encourage, listen, pray, and love. He talks about how it’s hard to answer questions about the adoption – when? how? why he is still there? – we understand. I wish we could answer the questions for him. I wish we could give him the exact words to say… but we can’t. He tells us about his friends. He truly cares about his friends and loves hanging out with them… I love that about him. He’s sad when he can’t go to their houses. He hurts when they are upset with him. He’s excited when they find a new game to play or he’s offered new food to eat. I wish we were with him to fight the battles together, to rejoice in victories together, and to hug him through the hard times. I wish I was there beside him to help him with his math, language, and science homework that he talks about each night. I wish we could talk for WAY longer than 15-20 minutes each night. I wish I could make things better for him. I wish I could cook him the meal of his choice. I wish I could shoot basketballs with him. I wish we could choreograph a dance together. I wish we could eat dinner together. I wish I could watch Jacob teach him to play American football in the yard. I wish I could take pictures and Instagram all the awesome stuff we are doing together (you know I will). But for now… we are parents 865 miles away.
I want to hug him when he’s hurt or worried. I want to sit up with him when he’s having a tummy ache. I want to bandage up the scraps and bumps.
I know it’s tough no matter where your child lives… even if it’s in the same house. I know parents always have dreams and desires and goals that are hard to accomplish even when you are with your kiddo every waking moment. I know being a parent is a hard job… no matter the distance between. I know the wishes that parents have for their kids don’t go away… and I am more than okay with that. I just want him here… that’s all.
I can’t wait until Eric is here. I can’t wait to have a conversation with our son without being gathered around a phone or computer… paying $0.25 per minute to talk with him.
I’m not complaining… please don’t take it like that. I am beyond thankful for our Eric and so grateful to be his mom… I just want him here.
I cannot wait to experience the happy, sad, frustrating, crazy, exciting, exhausted, nervous, anxious, precious, terrible, and everything-in-between moments of being a mom, moment in… and moment out. TRUST ME – I have all of those emotions now… I am just looking forward to the day when our family is together… without the miles between us.
I truly have JOY… don’t think that I don’t… I am just so excited to get our boy home. Please pray it happens SOON. Please pray that his heart is comforted and that he has peace about everything. I know he’s excited to be here… to have a family… he’s just worried about the what if’s. He doesn’t need to worry… I don’t need to worry because for every what if question, our God is the I AM…, I WILL…, I’LL BE… answer.