Ever have one of those days?

Ever had one of those days when you have a meltdown over the most insignificant thing? Yea… me too (I hope you said yes). Last week… I had one of those days. It was one of those days where I just wasn’t enough… in my mind. I stressed myself out with some crazy thoughts (I’m glad no one has to be in my head with me) –

I want to be a good mother… what if I’m not… what if he (and my future kiddos) don’t like me…

What if I can never cook rice and beans like they do in Belize…

I want to be a good wife… I ask too many questions…

I miss my friends… why haven’t I called them… I’m an awful friend

I suck at buying gifts for people… I really do… moms are suppose to be good at buying gifts and I’m just not

I shrunk Eric’s shirt in the dryer… I’m failing at life

People are getting on my nerves… I’ve got to get over myself… Grocery stores will be the death of me…

The dogs won’t stop shedding… I sweep up 2 Jubilees a day… I’m tried of sweeping

I shouldn’t complain… ever… I am selfish…

What are we going to do for Eric’s school… oh gosh, I’m stressing…

And then…

I BROWNED 3 POUNDS OF MEAT FOR… MEATLOAF!!!!! 

I ruined it! I cooked the meat. You don’t cook the meat before you form the loaf!! The meat cooks in the loaf to become MEATLOAF!!! Jacob, nicely, came up the stairs while I was cooking and asked, “Umm… why are you cooking the meat… I thought you were making meatloaf?”

And then… I LOST IT!!! I cried uncontrollably for about an hour. I felt so stupid… who browns the meat for meatloaf? I just want to be a good cook and it’s seriously so difficult for me! haha! I don’t know why… it just stresses me out at times. That night while cooking… it got to me and I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I cried… over meatloaf. I know Jacob wanted to laugh hyterically at me for crying, but I just kept saying, “It’s not funny yet.” It still wasn’t funny until… today. Instead of laughing, he simply offered to go buy some more meat so that I could try again. After I slammed the cooking utensils around… I took him up on his offer.

The meatloaf (round 2) turned out well… and everyone had full bellies at the end of the night. AND we had a perfect amount of meatloaf for spaghetti the next day. But the meatloaf came with the price of a breakdown.

On days when I cry over meatloaf, I am reminded of one thing:

THE ONLY THING THAT’S GOOD IN ME IS JESUS! 

Seriously… me, in and of myself… no good. I’m irritable, anxious, fearful, and beyond selfish. Without my time with Jesus in the morning… I would have no friends. Without the Word stamped on my heart and in front of my face each day… you wouldn’t want to be around me. Without Jesus in my life… I’d cry over meatloaf everyday.

Thankful for grace. Thankful that He IS ENOUGH… always.

I’m 20140430_151729doing a Bible study with 2 of my friends. It’s called “Desperate” by Cindy Wood. It’s about being DESPERATE for Jesus during the daily stresses of life… because if you aren’t you will eventually cry over meatloaf. It’s about getting back to the cross and resting in His love… that’s where I need to sit. When I try to do it on my own… I just fail miserably. I need to be desperate for Him, wake up knowing He’s the only good thing in me, and just rely on Him for the day.

I’m gonna do some more crying over some more meatloaf… I’m sure.

I’m gonna have crazy thoughts… because that’s what I do.

But… I just need to rest and know Jesus loves me… this I know… for the Bible tells me so.

Here’s a song that goes along with it:

 

3 Comments

  1. You always made amazing meals for us! Know that I remember you as a great cook- you taught me to make fried rice! 🙂 love you girl. God’s got you!

  2. Anna!!!!! I love this! In our first days with Jaison I lost it over crazy stuff and I’m not one to lose it! I was known for my metal and emotional strength and toughness and my ability to handle just about anything. Then one day that ended. I too, felt selfish and like a loser and satan was looking for any possible crack to enter into and destroy God’s work. I’ve learned so much and just the realization that those thoughts are lies made a huge difference. Believe me, I cried out to God, that He had made a mistake in choosing me, that He had picked the wrong girl! It was almost as if I could hear him saying, “I don’t make mistakes and you are the one I have chosen to be a mother to these four children and a wife to Jamie”. “I will supply what you need”. AND HE HAS! As a mom you will “lose it” many times and it’s ok. It can be hard and confusing and humiliating but the reward is always greater than those moments and He has chosen you and will never forsake you! Love your honesty and love you!

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