It’s a battle…

It’s a battle…

A battle to be disciplined. A battle to not eat another dessert. A battle to love. A battle to live out this Christian life when things don’t make sense.  A battle to console a crying baby. A battle to keep my mouth shut when I want to smart off to my hubs.

Most of all lately, I have felt the burden of being in a battle for my children. ChildREN… so crazy that we have 2 kids! It still amazes me.

I want my children to know and love Jesus. That is the cry of my heart everyday.

You know how you have the baby dedication services at church? And they always read the life verse the parents pick out for their child? Well… that has always fascinated me. I believe that words and verses spoken over and into a child’s life have significant impact. Many parents pick Jeremiah 29:11 or Joshua 1:9.  Both admirable verses and things I definitely want to be true in my children’s life. BUT I feel like there are specific things that the Lord wants to do and show in their individual lives that are laid out in Scripture… promises He’s made, reassurance He’s given, hope that’s available, and so much more.  I really took this whole life verse thing to heart. Prayed about it for a long time for Eric and Eli. Recently I had my friend hand-write these verses so that I could print them and put them in their rooms.

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This is Eric’s. Psalm 27:14 was the verse I had to say to myself the ENTIRE time we were waiting to bring him home.  Waiting was such a struggle for me… a heart-wrenching, fear-filled struggle. But these verses together is exactly what I want for, and what I believe the Lord is promising to Eric. He will see the GOODNESS of the Lord… he just must be patient, strong, and take heart.

Since I surrendered to Jesus, He has been my absolute JOY. He is more than enough. He is what I delight in and know He delights in me.  I know FULL WELL that He is good. He is so good. Even in the battle, the grief, the ugly cries, the wait, the bad days… HE IS GOOD.

Lately I have been so broken by the fact that when Eric looks back over his life right now, he does not see the goodness of the Lord. Everything/one that he has loved or trusted left scars, pain, and hurt. He does not yet see the incredible working of God in his life. His life has been filled with heartache, feelings of being unwanted, fear of not belonging, damaged relationships, broken promises, and more. He sees hurt, rejection, loneliness, and lies.

He does not see the goodness of the Lord… BUT HE WILL!

One day, he will be able to look back and see the hand of the Lord throughout his life. He will be able to see how God orchestrated every detail of his life. He will know that the Lord allowed the chaos and hardships for his good and the Lord’s glory. He will see how his time in the orphanage shaped him in becoming the man he was destined to be. He will know how much he is loved by his forever family… how wanted he is… how much he belongs… and how promises will be kept. He will see that the Lord is GOOD. He will know that the Lord is FOR him. He will… I am confident of it, like the verse says.  Eric is the strongest kid I know. He is resilient and brave. I pray that he will continue to be strong… take heart… be brave… and look deeper for the Lord in his life. He will see it. He will know FULL WELL that Jesus is all that satisfies and that his love is overwhelming. I see it. I know the Lord has been with him the entire time… his middle name is EMMANUEL (God with us) for crying out loud! I see it so clearly… and he will too.

When he gets it… HIS TESTIMONY IS GOING TO ROCK THE WORLD!! And I can’t wait to see what the Lord does with that boy!

And for my Eli…

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Psalm 62:1-2. Kind of fitting that he’s the size of a boulder because I long for him to be unshakable. Ha! This is my prayer for him… that his protection, source, and peace comes from God Almighty!

While I was pregnant and traveling to Costa Rica, the Ticos (Costa Ricans) constantly prayed PEACE (PAZ) over my belly and my baby. I don’t know if that’s customary there or if it was a specific word for my boy, but I took it to heart. I always ask God that He would give Eli peace and that Eli would be peace to others.  I want him to be a peacemaker… to be a person of peace. To include the outcast. Be a constant in the chaos. Make others feel at ease. Hold onto his faith regardless of the lies being thrown at him. To be able to sit back and breath knowing that all would be well because God is sovereign. To trust that he is protected and sealed always and forever. That he would depend on God for his salvation… not looking to anything else. That his joy would come from resting in the One who knows us deeply.

Although he’s just shy of 3 months, I see glimpses of his peaceful personality coming through. His giggle, easy-going temperament (except when he’s hungry), comforting eyes… praying it only matures.

Praying for my children is a battle… an on-going conversation with God and a constant search for wisdom, grace, and discernment. It’s a battle worth waging war for. I believe in the power of a praying mom. I believe my boys will come to know and love Jesus… and I believe it’s my job to do all that I can to model that it’s the most amazing choice/lifestyle they could ever choose. He is worth it. My children are worth it.

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